So I have been driving DH's SUV for past two weeks. IT was such a welcome change from driving the my kids-hauling van and to top it all, the sound system in his is so much mind blowing. Adding to the factor, is of course, that the music player is not loaded with kids' songs. This morning I put on old recorded cd which had both dhoom and dhoom2 songs on it. The beats of songs are so catching and after a while, I just found myself, not humming but singing out loud to the lyrics of 'touch me' 'dhoom again' 'dhoom macha le' 'crazy kia re'. I felt so great! Driving alongside the winding roads, with a blasting music on. I was thoroughly enjoying myself, when a sound came from the back, "you really know all the words!" That's when I came back to senses and saw in the backview mirror two mesmerized eyes looking at me. Sure enough, my kids had never seen me like this. For past four years, all I have been listening to are the rhymes and kids songs! Any attempt to change those met much protest, which always I gave up to. Adding to the fact, as a rule, I always always sing out of tune. And that's the reason I avoid an audience. This morning, I completely forgot all about that and just let myself go! Felt so amazing!
My daughter had such bewildered expressions on her face, I wonder how she would react if she would see me screaming my lungs out with the hard rock/thrash metal lyrics. How much have I changed in past 5 years! Those who knew me from before couldn't believe how comfortable I look at-home. Likewise, there are others who aren't aware of this headbanging side of me. Well, all I can say is that I never thought of myself who is cut-out to be a sit-at-home person. But since, it was my conscious decision, I have been living it to the fullest. It's quite an irony how I come across many, now-a-days, who when talking on some technical topic realize that they might not be of any interest to me and try elaborating the jargons or switch the topic. And then, there are these next generation kids who probably figure out that I might be completely ignorant about the engleees gym style such as hamstring curls, crunches and likes and go in lengths to explain why and how I should go about it. I just smile and play along. At times, I gently add 'been there, done that'.
By the way, what do you do when you come across a Bruce Willis look alike and your heart still went wow as it did a decade and a half back with his on screen presence? Do you stop and stare at him or give a sigh and leave? Or if you are like me, come back home and remind your husband that he once flaunted at least 4-pack, if not 6, and taunt him to better pep his muscles?
;)
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
A bottle of motivation
The weather is getting colder. Makes me want to snuggle into the covers as stepping out of it means my feet will go numb. Any amount of layering, or socks fail to warm my feet up and this in turn makes my entire legs feel lifeless. Even my fingers are icy cold as I type. Outside, it's quite windy as I can see the last few leaves on the trees being blown away. They seem to be in some kind of a race as they fly across, rather in a hurried fashion, by my window. The ones on the ground seems like doing multiple somersaults. It's amazing how our lush green street has suddenly taken a bare and lifeless look. These very woods which once guaranteed privacy has now exposed the houses on the other side of the street. You can see through these woods now, which is still not too bad, as the green grass near their feet can still be seen, mixed with the various leaves strewn across. Soon, they will be all white, covered with snow. I shouldn't be complaining as the month of November has unusually been very bright and we did enjoy fair amount of sunny afternoons. But cold weather makes each and every muscle of my body immobile. I lose my energy, my enthusiasm... And this means more this year as it just flickers my already weak plans of taking a better care of myself.. Of exercising.
Not only I am too much out of shape, I have put on a lots of weight and a few minutes of any hard work makes me puff and pant. Last Year, this time around, I was rigorously following a routine and had managed to lose two dress sizes. Hadn't dropped a single pound but with a few months of an active lifestyle had not gainied a single pound either. My set goal, then, was to lose 'just 10 pounds' till next season. This year, same time, instead of losing, I have added 10 more pounds to my already soccer ball-shaped figure and yes, have gained those 2 dress sizes back! Obviously, I struggle each morning to fit my entire torso in those little waisted jeans now. The t-shirts hugs my baggy paunch and the winter jacket completes the look by making me look like a full-term pregnant woman! To add to it, I had given away all my fatsy wardrobe as I had read somewhere that the biggest motivation to lose more is to get rid of ur fatty attires!! Now, me -blinded with my short term achievement - followed that advise to the heart!! Yeah! Go on.. Laugh at me!
OK, so the entire problem is ME Me mEe- I wish somebody could sell me motivation in a bottle like they sell so many other things. The basement of our house is a well-equipped mini-gym in itself. But, I realise that I am not an equipment person. To me, a walk on a treadmill feels lousy as compared to a jog on the street. More of an aerobics, yoga, steps, pilate kind of a person. And not to mention, we have all kinds of such dvd's in our stock. All one need to do is insert it in the player and switch it on andflow with it. DH even downloaded all kinds of apps on my android and ipad! Still, my routine lasts for three days at the max!
Something or other comes up.. Kids' sickness, a late night, an early appointment, a quarrel.. so many of the excuses ready not to leave the coziness of the bed each morn. "I am not a morning person" I declare and try to fit in the routine later during the day. When the kids seeing me doing the crunches think mommy is playing see-saw and come and sit on my knees/ back/tummy. Afterall, I was the one who made them, so they have all the right in this world to claim each and part of my ever-so-aching body! Determined, I command DH to come home early as I plan to join some group classes. JKG, that he is, says ok. It turns out that the classes that google up are either not within my defined radius from our home or do not fall in my specified budget. Some which qualify, do not offer any evening hours. Damn! Seems like the entire universe is conspiring in not letting me shed that baby weight yet!!
So, you see where the problem lies?
Not only I am too much out of shape, I have put on a lots of weight and a few minutes of any hard work makes me puff and pant. Last Year, this time around, I was rigorously following a routine and had managed to lose two dress sizes. Hadn't dropped a single pound but with a few months of an active lifestyle had not gainied a single pound either. My set goal, then, was to lose 'just 10 pounds' till next season. This year, same time, instead of losing, I have added 10 more pounds to my already soccer ball-shaped figure and yes, have gained those 2 dress sizes back! Obviously, I struggle each morning to fit my entire torso in those little waisted jeans now. The t-shirts hugs my baggy paunch and the winter jacket completes the look by making me look like a full-term pregnant woman! To add to it, I had given away all my fatsy wardrobe as I had read somewhere that the biggest motivation to lose more is to get rid of ur fatty attires!! Now, me -blinded with my short term achievement - followed that advise to the heart!! Yeah! Go on.. Laugh at me!
OK, so the entire problem is ME Me mEe- I wish somebody could sell me motivation in a bottle like they sell so many other things. The basement of our house is a well-equipped mini-gym in itself. But, I realise that I am not an equipment person. To me, a walk on a treadmill feels lousy as compared to a jog on the street. More of an aerobics, yoga, steps, pilate kind of a person. And not to mention, we have all kinds of such dvd's in our stock. All one need to do is insert it in the player and switch it on andflow with it. DH even downloaded all kinds of apps on my android and ipad! Still, my routine lasts for three days at the max!
Something or other comes up.. Kids' sickness, a late night, an early appointment, a quarrel.. so many of the excuses ready not to leave the coziness of the bed each morn. "I am not a morning person" I declare and try to fit in the routine later during the day. When the kids seeing me doing the crunches think mommy is playing see-saw and come and sit on my knees/ back/tummy. Afterall, I was the one who made them, so they have all the right in this world to claim each and part of my ever-so-aching body! Determined, I command DH to come home early as I plan to join some group classes. JKG, that he is, says ok. It turns out that the classes that google up are either not within my defined radius from our home or do not fall in my specified budget. Some which qualify, do not offer any evening hours. Damn! Seems like the entire universe is conspiring in not letting me shed that baby weight yet!!
So, you see where the problem lies?
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Blessings - Of Krishnas and Lakshmis
A short story.
It had been two days that she had been home now. Her stitches were still sore from the episiotomy. Daily routines like passing urine caused so much pain and discomfort. But holding her newborn in her arms made her forget all that. She was trying her best to ignore remarks like,"how can she sit and eat when the baby is hungry and crying for food." She knew she had to eat well to be able to nurse the baby and to get enough strength to look after her two kids. She tried her best to remain calm, when they joked in jest," Now both of you would have to save enough for two dowries." She knew it was in everyone's best interest that she just kept quiet. And she did. She was offered to get her hair oiled and she accepted. That's when she was told why they didn't send the news to every single relatives and friends yet. "Pota hua to khabar bhejungi, bola tha maine sabko." ("if a grandson, i will send you the news", that's what i had told everyone). By the evening, she had heard it from each member,"humein to laga tha is baar ladka hi hoga" (we were sure it would be a boy this time.). And at some point, later in the day, these few were added too,"ab pehli baar to kuch bhi ho jaye." (doesn't matter if he irst born is a boy or a girl). It made her wonder the hypocrisy of it all as she remembered how in front a room full of an audience, she was told that one child is a blessing from God and is more than enough. Doesn't matter if it's a Krishna or Laxmi.. But she stayed mum. Hypocrisy or not, she was not supposed to voice her Question.
The real shocker came that evening, post-dinner. She had just put both her girls in bed. At the dining table, they were told to try for a boy next time. She, aghast, just looked at him. He reminded them that there was no surety it would be a boy, to which they had some nerve to say, "doosre mahine mein hi pata chal jaata hai.. And it's safe". They, then, went on with examples of such cases. Devastated, cursing herself not leaving earlier, she just left the room.. And cried .. The whole night.. For many a nights and days after that. She still couldn't believe all that conversation had actually happened. That they actually asked her to go for a female infanicide?!?
After many days of such rants, (yes, they hadn't stopped, even after his intervention. They would continue, sometimes behind his back) she, reluctantly, seeked to turn to their daughter. She being, her age, and being a mom to a girl in the same age group, would understand her dilemna. If nothing else, she would have somebody to confide, to be able to get listening ears to her emotions that she has been going through. So she shared her predicament, being a fool that she was. She forgot that with them, what one said becomes gospel for the rest. Be it a sheer lie, but together they would prove the other one, in front, a liar, a specimen of mental health. "A boy child would complete the family," she was told. And then and there itself, had wanted to shoot herself. This coming from an educated woman her age, who herself is a daughter and a mom! And with that and many such thoughts overflowing her little brain cells, she fought the PND. She refused to fall into the trap, when seeing her passing by, they would hold her newborn in arms and say,"we do not worry that you are not a boy. After all you are the laxmi of our house." Why? Why hypocrisy? Why try to appease her? The damage was done, slowly and daily, beyond repair. The thoughts never left her, long after the childbirth.
Fast forward to the present.. She recently heard the news.. Their daughter just had another baby.. Another girl.. Another lakshmi.. Everybody is rejoicing. She just has one question
What do you suggest-a krishna or a lakshmi?
It had been two days that she had been home now. Her stitches were still sore from the episiotomy. Daily routines like passing urine caused so much pain and discomfort. But holding her newborn in her arms made her forget all that. She was trying her best to ignore remarks like,"how can she sit and eat when the baby is hungry and crying for food." She knew she had to eat well to be able to nurse the baby and to get enough strength to look after her two kids. She tried her best to remain calm, when they joked in jest," Now both of you would have to save enough for two dowries." She knew it was in everyone's best interest that she just kept quiet. And she did. She was offered to get her hair oiled and she accepted. That's when she was told why they didn't send the news to every single relatives and friends yet. "Pota hua to khabar bhejungi, bola tha maine sabko." ("if a grandson, i will send you the news", that's what i had told everyone). By the evening, she had heard it from each member,"humein to laga tha is baar ladka hi hoga" (we were sure it would be a boy this time.). And at some point, later in the day, these few were added too,"ab pehli baar to kuch bhi ho jaye." (doesn't matter if he irst born is a boy or a girl). It made her wonder the hypocrisy of it all as she remembered how in front a room full of an audience, she was told that one child is a blessing from God and is more than enough. Doesn't matter if it's a Krishna or Laxmi.. But she stayed mum. Hypocrisy or not, she was not supposed to voice her Question.
The real shocker came that evening, post-dinner. She had just put both her girls in bed. At the dining table, they were told to try for a boy next time. She, aghast, just looked at him. He reminded them that there was no surety it would be a boy, to which they had some nerve to say, "doosre mahine mein hi pata chal jaata hai.. And it's safe". They, then, went on with examples of such cases. Devastated, cursing herself not leaving earlier, she just left the room.. And cried .. The whole night.. For many a nights and days after that. She still couldn't believe all that conversation had actually happened. That they actually asked her to go for a female infanicide?!?
Would they have said this to their own daughter?
A woman with a daughter and whose daughter is a mom to a daughter... How can she even suggest such a thing to somebody else's daughter?
After many days of such rants, (yes, they hadn't stopped, even after his intervention. They would continue, sometimes behind his back) she, reluctantly, seeked to turn to their daughter. She being, her age, and being a mom to a girl in the same age group, would understand her dilemna. If nothing else, she would have somebody to confide, to be able to get listening ears to her emotions that she has been going through. So she shared her predicament, being a fool that she was. She forgot that with them, what one said becomes gospel for the rest. Be it a sheer lie, but together they would prove the other one, in front, a liar, a specimen of mental health. "A boy child would complete the family," she was told. And then and there itself, had wanted to shoot herself. This coming from an educated woman her age, who herself is a daughter and a mom! And with that and many such thoughts overflowing her little brain cells, she fought the PND. She refused to fall into the trap, when seeing her passing by, they would hold her newborn in arms and say,"we do not worry that you are not a boy. After all you are the laxmi of our house." Why? Why hypocrisy? Why try to appease her? The damage was done, slowly and daily, beyond repair. The thoughts never left her, long after the childbirth.
Fast forward to the present.. She recently heard the news.. Their daughter just had another baby.. Another girl.. Another lakshmi.. Everybody is rejoicing. She just has one question
Will they suggest to their daughter what they did to her then?
What do you suggest-a krishna or a lakshmi?
Friday, November 04, 2011
Shame on Onlookers!
After finishing my quota of reading, i casually logged on the facebook- one last look and then i will be off to sleep, I promised myself. A friend's wall post made me look further and I chanced on the case of Keenan-Reuben, which shook me. Hence, this rant.
Sad, very sad, especially in a city like Mumbai, where we know that there's nothing like deserted roads at 11:00 p.m. It is the peak time, in a considerably the safest city compared to the rest of India. And this episode happened in front of a restaurant, while People were watching!?!
What has happened to the famous Mumbai spirit? Why did nobody come forward? Shame on them. Shame on our society.
Shocked -is such a lesser word to express what I am feeling right now. I, so very well, remember a die-hard Mumbaiite friend of mine once (on hearing tales from/around the town where I did my grad from) describing the city as,"Things like these are so well-handled in Mumbai. You just need to shout help once and the whole junta will be there. Which most likely is very rare to happen in Delhi", he had added on. And that was the Mumbai I believed in, that was the Mumbai I made my home for some time. Tht was the Mumbai I knew..
Were the guys wrong in protecting their friends?
Did the other group had to take such an action on its ego? Is ego bigger than life, spirit of living?
What about those who were around? Why did they turn sissies? How far is the policy of'anybody's matter s nobody's matter' justified? Even at the stake of somebody bleeding so profusely?
Nobody even offered to take them to the hospital, until one of the waiters offered.
Where is humanity? If hey were worried about legalities, aren't they aware that now the doctors are supposed to provide medical attention first instead of waiting for the cops? Please correct me, if I am wrong. Any lawyer reader, please?
This could have been anybody. This could have been you, your friend, your brother, your sister, your son or may be your dad. Junta, please jaago!!
Please take a moment and sign the petition before reading further.
This whole story reminds me of a not-so-similar incident that had occured almost a decade back. I studied in one of the mst prestigious institutions of India. Like most of the national cadre engineering colleges, ours too was located in a sleepy town, a few hundred kilometers from the national capital. And we, the girls were required to be inside our hostels by 7:00 p.m. for the safety reasons. Exceptions, were always there, and one such was officially gathering sponsorships for the technical Symposium. Once, I had to undrtake such a trip to Delhi with another collegemate/friend(A male) On that particular evening, we had reached the ISBT(inter stae bus station) by 5:00 and had hoped to reach back hostel in reasonable time. But the bus had taken a plenty of time just to cross the outskirts of Delhi, and it being late winters night had already fallen. At some point of time, the person (in early thirties or late tenties, may be) sitting right behind our seat, somehow, had managed to creep his hands in the little gap between the walls of the bus and the seat, trying to touch me.. No points in guessing where. I was tring to avoid this when my partner had noticed my discomfort and didn't need much explanations. The next time the guy tried such a thing, my friend just got up and slapped him. There was a huge scene, some people trying to pacify him, some well- meaning(?) asking me, even advising that I should not have been in the bus at all. Anyways, the conductor had intervened, the bus was stopped and that guy after beaten thoroughly had been thrown off. Apparently, he was drunk. Did this give him a good enough reason to molest a girl?? The rest of the bus journey was uneventful, needless to say, the mentioned friend was more than on his alert throughout.
Now, there is no dearth of miscreapents in this world. The bus stop was in the outer areas of the Town and from there we had to hire an auto-rickshaw to our campus. Usually, they used to run on a hired basis and worked well for us ,students on tight budgets. We happened to encounter another such person(a late teen, this time) whom the auto wala (driver) asked to sit in th front with him on raising a noise. And as soon as he got off, the driver just sped off with the auto, in case, he gets a mob with him. The friend heaved a sigh of relief only when he saw me entering safely in the hostel. And this was at 9:00 p.m. Wasn't too late to return for most of our counterparts in he rest of the country. But, for me, that night, it was a narrow escape.
We were just two people. They, Keenan-Reuben n friends, were 7. We got help when we called. They did not. I and my friend were lucky. They were not. We live on. Two of them do not.
Sad, very sad, especially in a city like Mumbai, where we know that there's nothing like deserted roads at 11:00 p.m. It is the peak time, in a considerably the safest city compared to the rest of India. And this episode happened in front of a restaurant, while People were watching!?!
What has happened to the famous Mumbai spirit? Why did nobody come forward? Shame on them. Shame on our society.
Shocked -is such a lesser word to express what I am feeling right now. I, so very well, remember a die-hard Mumbaiite friend of mine once (on hearing tales from/around the town where I did my grad from) describing the city as,"Things like these are so well-handled in Mumbai. You just need to shout help once and the whole junta will be there. Which most likely is very rare to happen in Delhi", he had added on. And that was the Mumbai I believed in, that was the Mumbai I made my home for some time. Tht was the Mumbai I knew..
Were the guys wrong in protecting their friends?
Did the other group had to take such an action on its ego? Is ego bigger than life, spirit of living?
What about those who were around? Why did they turn sissies? How far is the policy of'anybody's matter s nobody's matter' justified? Even at the stake of somebody bleeding so profusely?
Nobody even offered to take them to the hospital, until one of the waiters offered.
Where is humanity? If hey were worried about legalities, aren't they aware that now the doctors are supposed to provide medical attention first instead of waiting for the cops? Please correct me, if I am wrong. Any lawyer reader, please?
This could have been anybody. This could have been you, your friend, your brother, your sister, your son or may be your dad. Junta, please jaago!!
Please take a moment and sign the petition before reading further.
This whole story reminds me of a not-so-similar incident that had occured almost a decade back. I studied in one of the mst prestigious institutions of India. Like most of the national cadre engineering colleges, ours too was located in a sleepy town, a few hundred kilometers from the national capital. And we, the girls were required to be inside our hostels by 7:00 p.m. for the safety reasons. Exceptions, were always there, and one such was officially gathering sponsorships for the technical Symposium. Once, I had to undrtake such a trip to Delhi with another collegemate/friend(A male) On that particular evening, we had reached the ISBT(inter stae bus station) by 5:00 and had hoped to reach back hostel in reasonable time. But the bus had taken a plenty of time just to cross the outskirts of Delhi, and it being late winters night had already fallen. At some point of time, the person (in early thirties or late tenties, may be) sitting right behind our seat, somehow, had managed to creep his hands in the little gap between the walls of the bus and the seat, trying to touch me.. No points in guessing where. I was tring to avoid this when my partner had noticed my discomfort and didn't need much explanations. The next time the guy tried such a thing, my friend just got up and slapped him. There was a huge scene, some people trying to pacify him, some well- meaning(?) asking me, even advising that I should not have been in the bus at all. Anyways, the conductor had intervened, the bus was stopped and that guy after beaten thoroughly had been thrown off. Apparently, he was drunk. Did this give him a good enough reason to molest a girl?? The rest of the bus journey was uneventful, needless to say, the mentioned friend was more than on his alert throughout.
Now, there is no dearth of miscreapents in this world. The bus stop was in the outer areas of the Town and from there we had to hire an auto-rickshaw to our campus. Usually, they used to run on a hired basis and worked well for us ,students on tight budgets. We happened to encounter another such person(a late teen, this time) whom the auto wala (driver) asked to sit in th front with him on raising a noise. And as soon as he got off, the driver just sped off with the auto, in case, he gets a mob with him. The friend heaved a sigh of relief only when he saw me entering safely in the hostel. And this was at 9:00 p.m. Wasn't too late to return for most of our counterparts in he rest of the country. But, for me, that night, it was a narrow escape.
We were just two people. They, Keenan-Reuben n friends, were 7. We got help when we called. They did not. I and my friend were lucky. They were not. We live on. Two of them do not.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Procreation - Take II
I had an unplanned pregnancy. Did he do it deliberately?
My spouse had wanted kids very early in the marriage and talked me so much into it that eventually I agreed. Did he intend to suppress me?
And many such questions have been raised by few of my readers who are, let's say, a little confused in their marriage.... and probably, their life (yes, that's rather strong statement, isn't it?). Let's just face the fact -
Most babies are coincidences.
Remember the opening monologue from 'My Sister's Keeper"?
11-yr old Anna Fitzerald, even went on to say
Most babies are born because of lack of birth control. They are accidents.
Let's try and come out of a state of denial.. Four in ten pregnancies are unplanned and the percentage is even higher, here in the United States. (No, I am not throwing any statistics for you. Look it up yourselves.) But, does that mean, that essential factor of love and care, are missing from ALL of them? Definitely, not!! My idea behind the last post was to bring to the notice that there are incidents like these. This, definitely, doesn't mean that it is the ultimate goal of survival of the entire male species. Please, think rationally, and do not walk out of your marriages/partnerships, yet. True, like many other disagreements between both of you, you might have not necessarily have had the same views on the issue of 'issues', like when, how many, and for that matter, where, too. But, come on, both of you are two different individuals with two set of views, ideologies and may be dreams as well. And is but natural, that on almost all topics, either of you has to relent or take a step back or bang your head out to convince the partner. Are any of us different? Do not we all do that? Do not we all have those occasional strifes? So, what if a few of these conflicts were on starting a family?
I know many such couples where the either the first child or the second or both were not really planned. Does that mean, he was deliberately trying to get the partner pregnant? No, sometimes, it just happens in the flow, a sheer carelessness, a weak moment. And then there's a friend, where the wife didn't want a second child as her first pregnancy was very difficult. But, the husband was adamant that they should have two. The wife agreed, even though she had a few miscarriages. And, mind you, the girl here is not the silent, obeying your commands types. As long as the decisions are mutual, and/or are not a result of series of abuses, how can you term them as the forced ones? Isn't it very inherent that sometimes, you start seeing the things the way your partner does? Or even if you do not, occasionally, find a valid point convincing enough, you go ahead with the decision.
There are many husband-wives duo, I know, where the girl wants a child cuz of various reasons - settling down, biological clock ticking and many such others, but the spouse still not ready, whatever be the reason. In some, the husband agreed later, though he still might have been of the opinion that they could have waited another couple of years. You see the point I am trying to make? This is what is partnership is. Not always will the two of you share the same set of opinions and often, one of you will have to give up your post. But, that doesn't mean that you stop loving each other. What about those times when your better half did those little things to comfort you, to soothe you, to show their love and care? Try to recollect those lovely memories and do not brood over when you couldn't have your way. To put it straightforward, stop being selfish because every time you did not get what your heart desired. Or because you had to live with something that you did not set your heart on initially.
Again, I am not trying to belittle the issue I raised in the last post. Under no circumstances, you should take any form of abuse. Violence is never justified as a way to resolve disputes. Say no firmly, if anything of that sort happens. Seek help, counselling if it repeats even after your ernest attempts. Walk out, if you have to. Until then, give love a chance..
My spouse had wanted kids very early in the marriage and talked me so much into it that eventually I agreed. Did he intend to suppress me?
And many such questions have been raised by few of my readers who are, let's say, a little confused in their marriage.... and probably, their life (yes, that's rather strong statement, isn't it?). Let's just face the fact -
Most babies are coincidences.
Remember the opening monologue from 'My Sister's Keeper"?
11-yr old Anna Fitzerald, even went on to say
Most babies are born because of lack of birth control. They are accidents.
Let's try and come out of a state of denial.. Four in ten pregnancies are unplanned and the percentage is even higher, here in the United States. (No, I am not throwing any statistics for you. Look it up yourselves.) But, does that mean, that essential factor of love and care, are missing from ALL of them? Definitely, not!! My idea behind the last post was to bring to the notice that there are incidents like these. This, definitely, doesn't mean that it is the ultimate goal of survival of the entire male species. Please, think rationally, and do not walk out of your marriages/partnerships, yet. True, like many other disagreements between both of you, you might have not necessarily have had the same views on the issue of 'issues', like when, how many, and for that matter, where, too. But, come on, both of you are two different individuals with two set of views, ideologies and may be dreams as well. And is but natural, that on almost all topics, either of you has to relent or take a step back or bang your head out to convince the partner. Are any of us different? Do not we all do that? Do not we all have those occasional strifes? So, what if a few of these conflicts were on starting a family?
I know many such couples where the either the first child or the second or both were not really planned. Does that mean, he was deliberately trying to get the partner pregnant? No, sometimes, it just happens in the flow, a sheer carelessness, a weak moment. And then there's a friend, where the wife didn't want a second child as her first pregnancy was very difficult. But, the husband was adamant that they should have two. The wife agreed, even though she had a few miscarriages. And, mind you, the girl here is not the silent, obeying your commands types. As long as the decisions are mutual, and/or are not a result of series of abuses, how can you term them as the forced ones? Isn't it very inherent that sometimes, you start seeing the things the way your partner does? Or even if you do not, occasionally, find a valid point convincing enough, you go ahead with the decision.
There are many husband-wives duo, I know, where the girl wants a child cuz of various reasons - settling down, biological clock ticking and many such others, but the spouse still not ready, whatever be the reason. In some, the husband agreed later, though he still might have been of the opinion that they could have waited another couple of years. You see the point I am trying to make? This is what is partnership is. Not always will the two of you share the same set of opinions and often, one of you will have to give up your post. But, that doesn't mean that you stop loving each other. What about those times when your better half did those little things to comfort you, to soothe you, to show their love and care? Try to recollect those lovely memories and do not brood over when you couldn't have your way. To put it straightforward, stop being selfish because every time you did not get what your heart desired. Or because you had to live with something that you did not set your heart on initially.
Again, I am not trying to belittle the issue I raised in the last post. Under no circumstances, you should take any form of abuse. Violence is never justified as a way to resolve disputes. Say no firmly, if anything of that sort happens. Seek help, counselling if it repeats even after your ernest attempts. Walk out, if you have to. Until then, give love a chance..
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Reproductive coercion - another form of violence against women
"I have to get a baby in there", he kept saying and I thought, "Is that all I am to him.. a baby carrier?"
And the words immediately groped my attention. I was in the waiting room of the hospital, idling away my time, casually flipping through the pages of a magazine. I looked around, mentally counting those in the room and concluding that I had ample time to skim through those few pages, before the nurse calls me. And what I read gave me goosebumps, showing me yet another face of the world that we live in. I had to know more and tried to dig up the article on the internet as soon as i could. Unfortunately, I don't remember the name of the magazine or else I would have given a link to it. My attempt here is not to reproduce that piece but to make ourselves aware of such happenings around us.
The article had started with the story of a couple who met in a med school, fell in love, and eventually got married. The guy started talking about babies soon after their honeymoon. He got obsessed with the idea so much that he didn't give her emotional and physical readiness a single thought, after a major back surgery he had to go through. She thought it as her duty then, as he had been with her throughout the surgery and the therapies. When after a while he suggested that they should consider IVF, she thought it rather sweet of him talking about the medical procedures and agreed. But her back was still weak and she miscarried. And that's when it all grew worse, with him pressurizing her to go for another IVF round as soon as the wait time was over. The second time, she miscarried, he went hysterical. She could put him off for a while only by saying tht the doctor thinks she need to put on weight, when the truth was that she was not ready for it yet. Infact, she was not sure that she wanted a baby at all now, more importantly his baby. He, on the other hand, stocked up he refrigerator with all the fattening stuff and kept saying, " I have to get a baby in there". He even threatened her tht she would be replaced by a maid and when all this turned into a physical abuse, tht she ran away to a women's shelter, where she learnt that she was not alone. And that what she was going through is termed as 'Reproductive Coercion'.
Please note that I might have missed a few facts and/or twists in the story here and her, but I do hope you get the picture. I had to know more and the more I learned, I realized that this is Not a new phenomenon and has been taken up by media, in print and on TV as well.
So, what is Reproductive Coercion?
Reproductive coercion is the sexual violence and in most cases, leads to physical violence. It also includes verbal/emotional pressure not to use birth control or to become pregnant. Many a times, leads to use of force not to take birth control or have unprotected sex.
The magazine had incidents on boyfriends/partners yanking the nuvarings off!
What leads to Reproductive coercion?
It is a way in which men want to control the female body to show their power. The article had quoted some more stories in which the men made their spouse pregnant every couple of years or when the youngest child started kindergarten, so that she would be bound to home and never attain financial independence. In some cases, it's a behavioral sabotage, where men just want to assert their dominance. Please go through the links in this post. They are very insightful into the topic.
Who does it happen to?
Relative coercion happens to teens and adults, rich and poor, married women, women in long or short term or in-between relationships, hookers or hook-ups.
What can we do to prevent it?
Empower. Educate. Be careful. Be on ALERT.
Know the warning signs and take action.
No woman should get STI, some of them rendering her infertile, some like HIV fatal to her life!
Whether, it is getting pregnant or to end pregnancy -No woman should be forcibly made to go through it, if she is not ready!
Friday, October 07, 2011
The chase
The more I am trying to go after the equilibrium, the more it is alluding me.. The mind is in the instant state of war.. Gets agitated quickly.. And this perturbs me all the more! The things/events which have been a constant source of joy and Contentment and had always helped me in the past don't seem to be working anymore.. Probably, time to look for the newer techniques..
Navratris have just been over. I love the festival for the discipline it brings.. The fasting disciplines the body and the mind.. And I choose to do the non-grain fasting, which being gluten-free it cleanses the body and combined with the strict routine cleanses the mind too. I have been observing these fasts for past two years which means this was the fifth time(the navratris fall twice a year).. Until this time, I had always found a repose, an exuberance in these nine days.. For me, the fasting is not about the control of diet as much as the control of the attitude, of the temperament. The comfort i usually get in the divine shelter was missing this time. My faith, a little, or was it more than little?, shaken... Was it because i couldnt follow the norms like every time? Or was it just. Y state of mind? Whatever it was, i was in a state of turmoil rather than in the elation, the euphoria, I usually feel.
Until, I figure out a way to Compose myself, to fond the poise, the cool-headedness I always had.. My quest will go on...
Saturday, September 03, 2011
The Power of soulful Music
It's amazing how music works wonders. For almost a week, heavy thoughts had burdened my heart. The feeling of loneliness kept creeping back to me.. never eluding me... the melancholy not abandoning me. Had tried meditating ..in vain.. couldn't get past those glum feelings. Was wondering all the while if I will ever be able to find my inner strength back or will I lose myself in this quest of 'me'. And then heard this really wonderful song 'Kandisa' by Indian Ocean and as the music worked it's way way through me.. I felt serene, at peace with myself.. made me realize why they recommend music therapy for the soul!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Testament and Jagjit Singh - what a combo!
Thrash and gazhals - an unusual combo.. but in my current mood hv been listening to/screaming my lungs out to them and trying hard to bring me back to normalcy! I have always believed that ghazals and heavy metals have a therapeutic effect... only if u merge with the words and try to get the depth.. Am not an expert in either of the genre but personally, i have always found some wisdom fitting my then frame of mind; thus helping me think rationally..
Currently, these two numbers were the Rx to me..
Apni marzi se by Jagjit Singh
Apni marzi se kahan apne safar ke hum hain,
Rukh hawaaon ka jidhar ka hai, udhar ke hum hain,
Pehle har cheez thi Apni magar abb lagta hai
Apne He ghar mein kisi doosre ghar ke hum hain
Waqt ke saath mitti ka safar sadiyon se
Kisko maaloom kahan ke hain, kidhar ke hum hain
Chalte rehte hain keh chalnaa hai musaafir ka naseeb
Sochte rehte hain, kis raah guzar ke hum hain
Rukh hawaaon ka jidhar ka hai, udhar ke hum hain
D.N.R. by Testament
Lies... broken dreams
Dismal past
is there more in life...
should I... know
Ending wars... ending pain
Ending of mankind is insane
and there's all the possibilities
some will fail and some will achieve
Even through in my youth
I didn't know but what can I do
and I may not ever see
In my pain, my suffering
Can not live for the rest of my life
DNR Do not resuscitate me...
Life... lost unseen
behind the mask
and with the open arms will I grasp
Open doors... open minds...
Ending all the madness I hate
And I may not ever see
In my pain, my misery
Can not live for the rest of my life
DNR Do not resuscitate me... DNR...
Wing of sadness... will
hold my prayers
all this madness... will
end my fears
contempt in life
Conceptualize, wrong or right
The ending of life...
God save me now...
Time... end it now
No going back
Can you see the light ass you pass
Ending wars, ending pain...
Waited all my life to be saves
And I will not ever see
All the hate and suffering
Can not live for the rest of my life
DNR Do not resuscitate me... DNR
Currently, these two numbers were the Rx to me..
Apni marzi se by Jagjit Singh
Apni marzi se kahan apne safar ke hum hain,
Rukh hawaaon ka jidhar ka hai, udhar ke hum hain,
Pehle har cheez thi Apni magar abb lagta hai
Apne He ghar mein kisi doosre ghar ke hum hain
Waqt ke saath mitti ka safar sadiyon se
Kisko maaloom kahan ke hain, kidhar ke hum hain
Chalte rehte hain keh chalnaa hai musaafir ka naseeb
Sochte rehte hain, kis raah guzar ke hum hain
Rukh hawaaon ka jidhar ka hai, udhar ke hum hain
D.N.R. by Testament
Lies... broken dreams
Dismal past
is there more in life...
should I... know
Ending wars... ending pain
Ending of mankind is insane
and there's all the possibilities
some will fail and some will achieve
Even through in my youth
I didn't know but what can I do
and I may not ever see
In my pain, my suffering
Can not live for the rest of my life
DNR Do not resuscitate me...
Life... lost unseen
behind the mask
and with the open arms will I grasp
Open doors... open minds...
Ending all the madness I hate
And I may not ever see
In my pain, my misery
Can not live for the rest of my life
DNR Do not resuscitate me... DNR...
Wing of sadness... will
hold my prayers
all this madness... will
end my fears
contempt in life
Conceptualize, wrong or right
The ending of life...
God save me now...
Time... end it now
No going back
Can you see the light ass you pass
Ending wars, ending pain...
Waited all my life to be saves
And I will not ever see
All the hate and suffering
Can not live for the rest of my life
DNR Do not resuscitate me... DNR
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Cloudbursts!!
It's been like this since morning.. Huge flashes of lightning followed by loud thunders and then the downpours of rain.. This was 4 nights back. when i had started my post. and my mood throughout had been happy.. inspite of the fact that such heavy showers meant that i was stuck in the house with the kids and we had to miss our regular evening walk that evening. Actually, rains that day had reminded me the monsoon days back in India and somehow had given me the feeling of freshness and the warmth. I could even smell the fragrance of the wet earth.. And that had filled me with joy.. uplifting my spirits.. inspiring me to try new things in life.. to go on and take challenges.. and giving me the confidence that i can do anything.. by just believing in myself again! and i had started to..
and the feeling lasted until last night.. no substantial reason .. but afterwards it just eluded me and then kept dissipating throughout the day today.. leaving me where i was before.. all along.. all alone..
But what stayed constant between these two days.. and beyond is my idea of having a perfume/ a fragrance/ a room freshener/ a misty spray with that ambrosial earthy monsoon aroma.. with the whiff of freshness in it.. with the essence of life in it.. the perfect ambiance for meditation.. The invigorating balm every time you breathe it in! The revitalizing odor!! The fragrance for the soul!!!
Is it possible to savor the fragrance in a can just as beautifully, as refreshingly?!!?
p.s. The title of the post was chosen when I had started the post.. I guess I might have changed the look of my blog to match what i had originally planned to write which I obviously don't remember now.. .. what has followed now might not look relevant.
and the feeling lasted until last night.. no substantial reason .. but afterwards it just eluded me and then kept dissipating throughout the day today.. leaving me where i was before.. all along.. all alone..
But what stayed constant between these two days.. and beyond is my idea of having a perfume/ a fragrance/ a room freshener/ a misty spray with that ambrosial earthy monsoon aroma.. with the whiff of freshness in it.. with the essence of life in it.. the perfect ambiance for meditation.. The invigorating balm every time you breathe it in! The revitalizing odor!! The fragrance for the soul!!!
Is it possible to savor the fragrance in a can just as beautifully, as refreshingly?!!?
p.s. The title of the post was chosen when I had started the post.. I guess I might have changed the look of my blog to match what i had originally planned to write which I obviously don't remember now.. .. what has followed now might not look relevant.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
In tune with the season..
As I decide to come back after a long period of hibernation, beautiful season has set in here. Hence, I changed the theme of my blog to sync in with the beautiful falling leaves.
Fall- the season of colors, the season of change, the season with the perfect weather. Mornings are dewy and little chilly. I love to feel the dew on the flowers against my face and my eyes. Only a soft snugging hand keeps me from tasting them.
and today is the perfect day... sunny, a little cold with soft breeze caressing you as you step out. The perfect early evening.. lemme go out and bask in the warmth of the sun..
Edited to add: After this post, I did go out with my kids and had fun raking up the leaves and jumping and hiding in the pile. It turned out to be a beautiful evening!
Fall- the season of colors, the season of change, the season with the perfect weather. Mornings are dewy and little chilly. I love to feel the dew on the flowers against my face and my eyes. Only a soft snugging hand keeps me from tasting them.
and today is the perfect day... sunny, a little cold with soft breeze caressing you as you step out. The perfect early evening.. lemme go out and bask in the warmth of the sun..
Edited to add: After this post, I did go out with my kids and had fun raking up the leaves and jumping and hiding in the pile. It turned out to be a beautiful evening!
Friday, December 07, 2007
Kindness and the nice people..
The comment on this post on a blog that I frequent went so long, that I decided to have a post of it on my blog as well.
there's still some kindness left in this world! I take this chance to pray for those strangers who have been nice to me when least expected. I do not remember all of them nor do I remember all the times, when I came across such nice people. I pray to God to shower them with happiness, nevertheless. During my college vacations, I had joined some computer classes. At times, I used to walk almost 5 km to home from my computer classes. Besides, sometimes I would get a rick right frm the start or half way. This one time, it was a hot and sunny day and I was very thirsty. I kept telling myself that home was just a few steps away and I could make to it. i kept looking around to catch sight of a rick which could take me home faster. It was the afternoon and kids from the school were coming out. If I were in luck, some auto-rickshaw filled with such kids would stop by and to earn a few bucks drive me to atleast a few feet away from home, if not to the home. But that was the day, when my lucky star didn't shine on me and a few auto rickshaw that stopped were either not going that way or were asking too much fare. Some even refused to budge from their parking. My thought was running dry and I was licking my lips every few
seconds to keep them wet. It was then I saw these two young girls, almost my age with a small kid in a school uniform. One of the girls had his bag and a bottle in hand. Obviously, they all were heading back to home after fetching him from school. They were walking just a few steps in front of me. I kept walking and eyeing the bottle. I couldnt help but keep looking at it. Obviously, they were going home and whatever little water was left was of no use to them. After walking for a few minutes with that tempting water bottle infront of me, I finally approached them and asked them to pity me. They looked at each other, obviously baffled at my intrusion (or my daring!?!) and then said that the bottle was empty. They offered me to go home with them instead and drink as much water as I like. There home was just at the corner and as I was very thirsty and they looked nice, I went along with them. Believe me, water never had tasted so sweet! And they were such nice people. They not only offered me water fresh from well but a freshly squeezed lemonade too, inspite of my denials. I do not remember their names, nor do I remember their faces now, but I pray to Almighty to bless them with happiness wherever they are!!
there's still some kindness left in this world! I take this chance to pray for those strangers who have been nice to me when least expected. I do not remember all of them nor do I remember all the times, when I came across such nice people. I pray to God to shower them with happiness, nevertheless. During my college vacations, I had joined some computer classes. At times, I used to walk almost 5 km to home from my computer classes. Besides, sometimes I would get a rick right frm the start or half way. This one time, it was a hot and sunny day and I was very thirsty. I kept telling myself that home was just a few steps away and I could make to it. i kept looking around to catch sight of a rick which could take me home faster. It was the afternoon and kids from the school were coming out. If I were in luck, some auto-rickshaw filled with such kids would stop by and to earn a few bucks drive me to atleast a few feet away from home, if not to the home. But that was the day, when my lucky star didn't shine on me and a few auto rickshaw that stopped were either not going that way or were asking too much fare. Some even refused to budge from their parking. My thought was running dry and I was licking my lips every few
seconds to keep them wet. It was then I saw these two young girls, almost my age with a small kid in a school uniform. One of the girls had his bag and a bottle in hand. Obviously, they all were heading back to home after fetching him from school. They were walking just a few steps in front of me. I kept walking and eyeing the bottle. I couldnt help but keep looking at it. Obviously, they were going home and whatever little water was left was of no use to them. After walking for a few minutes with that tempting water bottle infront of me, I finally approached them and asked them to pity me. They looked at each other, obviously baffled at my intrusion (or my daring!?!) and then said that the bottle was empty. They offered me to go home with them instead and drink as much water as I like. There home was just at the corner and as I was very thirsty and they looked nice, I went along with them. Believe me, water never had tasted so sweet! And they were such nice people. They not only offered me water fresh from well but a freshly squeezed lemonade too, inspite of my denials. I do not remember their names, nor do I remember their faces now, but I pray to Almighty to bless them with happiness wherever they are!!
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Of queues and waits!
Things like this freak me out. and what freaks me out more is when I am not able to give it back to the person concerned! Seriously, sometimes I feel that the poor image that we Indians carry is very right and it's us and nobody else to be blamed for it. We want people to respect us and not to treat us like a piece of crap but do not work towards it! And to top it all most us ruin the hard work others put in to improve our image!!
Okay where is all this going?? What am I rambling about?
It is this particular incident earlier in the evening that is still troubling me. I usually check our mailbox in the evenings when I go downstairs to take my daughter for her walk. It works for me as our mail guy comes at about two o'clock in the afternoon and ours being a very huge apartment complex, it takes like almost an hour for him to put in all the mails. So, I club the evening strolls with the mail-picking. Besides, the time I go works if we have any package waiting at the customer desk, I can pick it up without having to wait until the next day. Now, this evening was very lovely and a perfect one to take my little baby out without having to worry about wrapping her up or of her catching any cold. Past two weeks, and last week particularly, were very cold and we had missed our evening strolls. I did not want to miss this chance of going out and enjoy the weather and let a little bit of fresh air in our lungs. So, put my baby in the stroller and set out for our walk. As a routine, I checked our mailbox and found a note that there was a package for us. There was something I had ordered for my baby and was expecting it to have arrived today. As the desk was open and I did not want to wait one more day, I took the note and went to collect the package. The associate was not at the desk (I had just seen her going to the storage with another resident), so I played with my baby while I waited for her to come back. A couple of minutes passed by and there came these two young men with their office bags and all, went past me and stood at the desk, some distance away from me (The customer service desk in our apartments is a wide one). I was about to ask them if they were waiting for B(our associate, a very nice lady) when my daughter dropped my cell phone with which she was playing. I was distracted and that was when B came in and attended them. As i waited for her to finish, I thought I would tell them that I was in the queue first and they should have waited for their turn. What gave them the impression that I was not?? Why else would I be standing at the customer service desk?? They should at least have the courtesy of asking me whether I was waiting for B! They didn't even look at me and went past behind me and stood at the desk just two steps away from me!! Now what sort of a queue is that?
Such instances make me compare ourselves with the well-mannered people out here. I have been in such waits earlier and believe me, the non-Indians have always stood behind me or at least have the courtesy to ask me if I was in the queue. Such actions compel you to follow as they are always good learnings and it doesn't hurt to give people their due, especially when theirs nothing that you are losing here. As a matter of fact, I feel you are gaining respect and dignity for yourself and being a good person over all. What kind of a professional you are when you do not even have the patience or the courtesy to ask?
And I am angry with myself on letting these people go.. and this is something i do very often. just let people go.. i have to work on this thing. .not only for me but for my chinipie's sake. I do not want her to be taken advantage of.. she should be able to voice herself.. loud and clear! And who else would teach this to her if not me?
Okay where is all this going?? What am I rambling about?
It is this particular incident earlier in the evening that is still troubling me. I usually check our mailbox in the evenings when I go downstairs to take my daughter for her walk. It works for me as our mail guy comes at about two o'clock in the afternoon and ours being a very huge apartment complex, it takes like almost an hour for him to put in all the mails. So, I club the evening strolls with the mail-picking. Besides, the time I go works if we have any package waiting at the customer desk, I can pick it up without having to wait until the next day. Now, this evening was very lovely and a perfect one to take my little baby out without having to worry about wrapping her up or of her catching any cold. Past two weeks, and last week particularly, were very cold and we had missed our evening strolls. I did not want to miss this chance of going out and enjoy the weather and let a little bit of fresh air in our lungs. So, put my baby in the stroller and set out for our walk. As a routine, I checked our mailbox and found a note that there was a package for us. There was something I had ordered for my baby and was expecting it to have arrived today. As the desk was open and I did not want to wait one more day, I took the note and went to collect the package. The associate was not at the desk (I had just seen her going to the storage with another resident), so I played with my baby while I waited for her to come back. A couple of minutes passed by and there came these two young men with their office bags and all, went past me and stood at the desk, some distance away from me (The customer service desk in our apartments is a wide one). I was about to ask them if they were waiting for B(our associate, a very nice lady) when my daughter dropped my cell phone with which she was playing. I was distracted and that was when B came in and attended them. As i waited for her to finish, I thought I would tell them that I was in the queue first and they should have waited for their turn. What gave them the impression that I was not?? Why else would I be standing at the customer service desk?? They should at least have the courtesy of asking me whether I was waiting for B! They didn't even look at me and went past behind me and stood at the desk just two steps away from me!! Now what sort of a queue is that?
Such instances make me compare ourselves with the well-mannered people out here. I have been in such waits earlier and believe me, the non-Indians have always stood behind me or at least have the courtesy to ask me if I was in the queue. Such actions compel you to follow as they are always good learnings and it doesn't hurt to give people their due, especially when theirs nothing that you are losing here. As a matter of fact, I feel you are gaining respect and dignity for yourself and being a good person over all. What kind of a professional you are when you do not even have the patience or the courtesy to ask?
And I am angry with myself on letting these people go.. and this is something i do very often. just let people go.. i have to work on this thing. .not only for me but for my chinipie's sake. I do not want her to be taken advantage of.. she should be able to voice herself.. loud and clear! And who else would teach this to her if not me?
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Save our planet Earth!
I have grown up in a very environment friendly home, where both my parents and my brothers did every bit that they could to save the precious resources on this earth. From our childhood, we were strictly told to switch off the lights after using the bathroom, during the day, when not in the room; check all lights and and fans are off before leaving the house; switch off the refrigerator if going for a long vacation; do not keep the tap running when not in use. All this, even when we were staying in the company provided house where electricity and water was almost free! We could have splurged the electricity and water like it was our resource but our parents made sure that we learn to conserve and they did this not by preaching but practicing and setting an example before us.
To this day, my dad prefers to either bike or walk down to all the places where he can. I distinctly remember, how impressed with this news, almost one and a half decades back, where they showed that the people in China bicycling to their offices to control the pollution and to keep healthy. The videos of people in their business suits and ties on their bikes was a very inspiring sight. When dad had started going to the office on a bicycle, we had opposed him. His reason- to stay fit, to preserve petrol and to save the cost of petrol. Our reason- people made fun of an officer coming on a bicycle. Fools we were! Worrying about some people who were not even enlightened enough and who are concerned with only showing off their positions, ranks and money. We had branded him as 'KP'(kanjoos papa) then, but even if he was saving some pennies, it was to provide us the best education and the best upbringing! but in our teens we were then, and were rebellious to everything and as I said earlier, were fools, indeed!
Even then, even we did things which we thought were right and went along with the conservation of resources, probably inspired by our lessons in social sciences and the advertisements on Doordarshan. Remember, those ads where a little girl, with sleepy eyes, is brushing her teeth with the tap running in the basin and as soon as she puts the brush below the tap, it stops. And that ad, where a person stops his car to talk to this dad and daughter duo, and has kept the engine running, when the daughter politely asks him to switch it off. Yeah, those ads had made a deep impact on our young and impressionable minds and we did whatever we could. My brothers, used to switch off their bike engines at red signal. We had started re-using the plastic bags, taking either the cloth bags or used plastic ones to the grocery stores. Even the milk bags were collected and later sent to be recycled instead of being thrown in the bins. We started following our mom and used water in a mug whenever we could instead of using the running water. My mom always had and still has this habit of washing vegetables by filling water in a large container. Running water is consumed more, she says. The water in the container is then used to water the plants or stored in the buckets to flush away the toilets. A very novel way of reusing the water, isn't it? Even for washing dals and rice, she would never throw away the strained water, instead she would keep storing it in a container near by, and re-using it in a similar fashion as above. She would never keep the water running while washing the dishes or the clothes. She would open the tap only when required, the remainder of the time it was kept closed. We took up this habit from her and saved as much water as we could. Our rough work was mostly done on the notebooks made from the pages remaining from the previous years' exercise books which were later replaced by the discarded blue and white computer papers from dad's office. At a certain point of time, we even re-used the envelopes to conserve the paper and wood. This was inspired by some do-it-yourself series on the television. All we needed to do, was open the folds of the used envelope and re-glue it on the reverse side.
I do not know when and how I stopped following all that was, in a way, imbibed in me. The other day while I was cleaning the dishes and putting them in the dishwasher, I suddenly thought how much water I was wasting and made a promise to myself to start using the resources judiciously. This post inspired me to put in some more thought to re-start doing my bit to keep the earth green!
Here's my green list. Some of these, I already follow and some I intend to, starting from now!
Btw, where's yours?
1. Turn off the taps while brushing teeth, cleaning dishes or any other chores that I can think of. It takes less than a second to turn it off and on again, whenever required.
2. Turn off the laptop, when not on desk. (I have this habit of leaving it on as I always want to return to whatever I was working on. I would be back in 5 min is what I think, which extends to an hour to 5 hours at times, before I realise that I should turn it off!)
This rule applies to all electronic items.
3. Use fans, instead of air conditioner, as much as possible. Wear the lightest cotton clothing in summers and let your skin and yourself breathe in the fresh air too!
4. Switch off the lights during the day. Try using the sunlight, you would realise how much it helps!
5. Switch off the lights after using the washrooms (even the public ones, if possible).
6. Switch off the lights before getting out of the rooms (even the office conference rooms, meeting rooms and cubicles also apply)
7. Dispose the waste in the bins, especially in the reservation areas.
8. Sort the waste, like, biological waste, recyclable plastic and paper. Find the local recycling collecting bins in your area and dispose the recyclable waste there.
9. Try to re-use old papers as much as possible. Do not print, if you can read some stuff online or you can borrow the paper version from somebody. Use recycled paper, if possible.
10. Avoid using plastics as much as possible. Again, the rule of reduce, reuse and recycle applies here.
11. Avoid use and throw products. You are only adding to the waste.
12. Avoid CFC products like sprays.
13. Avoid buying products made by killing animals and cutting down forests. Better still, buy recycled products.
14. Avoid processed and canned foods.
15. Do not microwave plastics.
16. Do not use non-stick pans.
17. Use rechargeable batteries.
18. Use warm water instead of hot. Think how much you are saving this way!
19. Use clothes with natural fibers, like cotton and wool.
20. Do not wear your outdoor shoes inside the house. This reduces dust-bound pollutants.
21. Avoid using driers if you can hang the clothes in the sun to dry.
22. Try using the alternate energy options, like solar heaters, solar lamps, etc.
23. Use fluorescent lighting.
24. Avoid taking cars whenever you can. Try walking, bicycling, carpooling, taking public buses or trains instead.
25. Plant trees!
To this day, my dad prefers to either bike or walk down to all the places where he can. I distinctly remember, how impressed with this news, almost one and a half decades back, where they showed that the people in China bicycling to their offices to control the pollution and to keep healthy. The videos of people in their business suits and ties on their bikes was a very inspiring sight. When dad had started going to the office on a bicycle, we had opposed him. His reason- to stay fit, to preserve petrol and to save the cost of petrol. Our reason- people made fun of an officer coming on a bicycle. Fools we were! Worrying about some people who were not even enlightened enough and who are concerned with only showing off their positions, ranks and money. We had branded him as 'KP'(kanjoos papa) then, but even if he was saving some pennies, it was to provide us the best education and the best upbringing! but in our teens we were then, and were rebellious to everything and as I said earlier, were fools, indeed!
Even then, even we did things which we thought were right and went along with the conservation of resources, probably inspired by our lessons in social sciences and the advertisements on Doordarshan. Remember, those ads where a little girl, with sleepy eyes, is brushing her teeth with the tap running in the basin and as soon as she puts the brush below the tap, it stops. And that ad, where a person stops his car to talk to this dad and daughter duo, and has kept the engine running, when the daughter politely asks him to switch it off. Yeah, those ads had made a deep impact on our young and impressionable minds and we did whatever we could. My brothers, used to switch off their bike engines at red signal. We had started re-using the plastic bags, taking either the cloth bags or used plastic ones to the grocery stores. Even the milk bags were collected and later sent to be recycled instead of being thrown in the bins. We started following our mom and used water in a mug whenever we could instead of using the running water. My mom always had and still has this habit of washing vegetables by filling water in a large container. Running water is consumed more, she says. The water in the container is then used to water the plants or stored in the buckets to flush away the toilets. A very novel way of reusing the water, isn't it? Even for washing dals and rice, she would never throw away the strained water, instead she would keep storing it in a container near by, and re-using it in a similar fashion as above. She would never keep the water running while washing the dishes or the clothes. She would open the tap only when required, the remainder of the time it was kept closed. We took up this habit from her and saved as much water as we could. Our rough work was mostly done on the notebooks made from the pages remaining from the previous years' exercise books which were later replaced by the discarded blue and white computer papers from dad's office. At a certain point of time, we even re-used the envelopes to conserve the paper and wood. This was inspired by some do-it-yourself series on the television. All we needed to do, was open the folds of the used envelope and re-glue it on the reverse side.
I do not know when and how I stopped following all that was, in a way, imbibed in me. The other day while I was cleaning the dishes and putting them in the dishwasher, I suddenly thought how much water I was wasting and made a promise to myself to start using the resources judiciously. This post inspired me to put in some more thought to re-start doing my bit to keep the earth green!
Here's my green list. Some of these, I already follow and some I intend to, starting from now!
Btw, where's yours?
1. Turn off the taps while brushing teeth, cleaning dishes or any other chores that I can think of. It takes less than a second to turn it off and on again, whenever required.
2. Turn off the laptop, when not on desk. (I have this habit of leaving it on as I always want to return to whatever I was working on. I would be back in 5 min is what I think, which extends to an hour to 5 hours at times, before I realise that I should turn it off!)
This rule applies to all electronic items.
3. Use fans, instead of air conditioner, as much as possible. Wear the lightest cotton clothing in summers and let your skin and yourself breathe in the fresh air too!
4. Switch off the lights during the day. Try using the sunlight, you would realise how much it helps!
5. Switch off the lights after using the washrooms (even the public ones, if possible).
6. Switch off the lights before getting out of the rooms (even the office conference rooms, meeting rooms and cubicles also apply)
7. Dispose the waste in the bins, especially in the reservation areas.
8. Sort the waste, like, biological waste, recyclable plastic and paper. Find the local recycling collecting bins in your area and dispose the recyclable waste there.
9. Try to re-use old papers as much as possible. Do not print, if you can read some stuff online or you can borrow the paper version from somebody. Use recycled paper, if possible.
10. Avoid using plastics as much as possible. Again, the rule of reduce, reuse and recycle applies here.
11. Avoid use and throw products. You are only adding to the waste.
12. Avoid CFC products like sprays.
13. Avoid buying products made by killing animals and cutting down forests. Better still, buy recycled products.
14. Avoid processed and canned foods.
15. Do not microwave plastics.
16. Do not use non-stick pans.
17. Use rechargeable batteries.
18. Use warm water instead of hot. Think how much you are saving this way!
19. Use clothes with natural fibers, like cotton and wool.
20. Do not wear your outdoor shoes inside the house. This reduces dust-bound pollutants.
21. Avoid using driers if you can hang the clothes in the sun to dry.
22. Try using the alternate energy options, like solar heaters, solar lamps, etc.
23. Use fluorescent lighting.
24. Avoid taking cars whenever you can. Try walking, bicycling, carpooling, taking public buses or trains instead.
25. Plant trees!
Thursday, August 16, 2007
The List
Here's the list of books which I am hoping to read before the year ends. Am making the list so that when I try to think what should I read next I will have an easy option to choose from.
1. A Short History of Nearly Everything (Bill Bryson)- eccentric stories behind the greatest scientific minds
2. Death and the Penguin (Andrey Kurkov)- a satire
3. The World is Flat (Thomas Friedman) - analysis of globalization
4. Snapshots from Hell (Peter Robinson) - a book written by a Stanford Business School Gradaute based on his experience in the first year of the MBA programme
5. The Dilbert Principle (Scott Adams) - a satire on the middle management
6. The Goal (Eliyahu M. Goldratt) - for the theory of constraints on Systems Management
7. Liar's Poker (Michael Lewis) - the author's experiences as a bond salesman on Wall Street
8. Den of Thieves (James Stewart) - the trading scandals of the Wall Street financiers
9. The Great Indian Novel (Shashi Tharoor) - the story of Mahabharata reset in the Indian Independence
10. India - From Midnight to Millenium (Shashi Tharoor) - covers India from Independence to millenium
1. A Short History of Nearly Everything (Bill Bryson)- eccentric stories behind the greatest scientific minds
2. Death and the Penguin (Andrey Kurkov)- a satire
3. The World is Flat (Thomas Friedman) - analysis of globalization
4. Snapshots from Hell (Peter Robinson) - a book written by a Stanford Business School Gradaute based on his experience in the first year of the MBA programme
5. The Dilbert Principle (Scott Adams) - a satire on the middle management
6. The Goal (Eliyahu M. Goldratt) - for the theory of constraints on Systems Management
7. Liar's Poker (Michael Lewis) - the author's experiences as a bond salesman on Wall Street
8. Den of Thieves (James Stewart) - the trading scandals of the Wall Street financiers
9. The Great Indian Novel (Shashi Tharoor) - the story of Mahabharata reset in the Indian Independence
10. India - From Midnight to Millenium (Shashi Tharoor) - covers India from Independence to millenium
Friday, July 20, 2007
..only if
Groom: You will offer me food and be helpful in every way. I will cherish you and provide for the welfare and happiness of you and our children.
Bride: I am responsible for the home, and take charge of all household responsibilities.
Groom: Together we will protect our house and children.
Bride: I will be by your side, and be your courage and strength. I will rejoice in your happiness. In return, you will love me alone.
Groom: May we grow wealthy and prosperous, strive for the education of our children. May our children live long.
Bride: I will love only you for the rest of my life, as you are my husband. Every other man in my life will come second to you. I vow to remain chaste.
Groom: You have brought sacredness into my life, and have completed me. May we be blessed with noble, obedient children. May our children live long. Bride: I will shower you will happiness, from head to toe. I will strive to please you in every way that I can.
Groom: You are my best friend, and staunchest well-wisher. You have come into my life, and have enriched it. God bless you.
Bride: I promise to love and cherish you for as long as I love. Your happiness is my happiness, and your sorrow is my sorrow. I will trust and honour you, and will strive to fulfill all your wishes.
Groom: May you be filled with joy and peace.
Bride: I will always be by your side.
Groom: We are now husband and wife, and are one. You are mine and I am yours for all time.
Bride: As God is witness, I am now your wife. We will love, honour and cherish each other forever.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So Beautiful ! filled with depth and meaning!
...Only if they see marriage in the light of these vows and not just as a flashy affair where they flaunt their dresses and jewelery.
Bride: I am responsible for the home, and take charge of all household responsibilities.
Groom: Together we will protect our house and children.
Bride: I will be by your side, and be your courage and strength. I will rejoice in your happiness. In return, you will love me alone.
Groom: May we grow wealthy and prosperous, strive for the education of our children. May our children live long.
Bride: I will love only you for the rest of my life, as you are my husband. Every other man in my life will come second to you. I vow to remain chaste.
Groom: You have brought sacredness into my life, and have completed me. May we be blessed with noble, obedient children. May our children live long. Bride: I will shower you will happiness, from head to toe. I will strive to please you in every way that I can.
Groom: You are my best friend, and staunchest well-wisher. You have come into my life, and have enriched it. God bless you.
Bride: I promise to love and cherish you for as long as I love. Your happiness is my happiness, and your sorrow is my sorrow. I will trust and honour you, and will strive to fulfill all your wishes.
Groom: May you be filled with joy and peace.
Bride: I will always be by your side.
Groom: We are now husband and wife, and are one. You are mine and I am yours for all time.
Bride: As God is witness, I am now your wife. We will love, honour and cherish each other forever.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Groom: I (name), take you (name) for my lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
Bride: I (name), take you (name) for my lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
So Beautiful ! filled with depth and meaning!
...Only if they see marriage in the light of these vows and not just as a flashy affair where they flaunt their dresses and jewelery.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Musical ME!
Music- be it singing or playing instruments, I feel, is a talent that everybody cannot possess. It is a gift of God and has to come from within. This is a form of art, which one cannot learn. Of course, it involves practice to improve and sharpen the musical skills too. Those who are aware of my vocal talents must be thinking.. what does this lady want to write about music? what does she know anything about 'sur' and 'taal' ? and I would agree with them.. when it comes to the vocal abilities of combining sur and taal, i definitely lag any such talent and even if i try to hum the most popular numbers, it becomes difficult to recognise which one am i trying to sing.. This, i know, coz even as i sing, i know that the tune in my mind and that coming out of my throat are a complete mismatch and am singing completely out of track..
Musical abilities, for sure, is one gift of God, that I don't have. And years ago, I had realised this and stopped traumatizing those around me, restraining myself to listening to music. Be it ghazals, bhajans, hard rock, maestro's instrumental or the film numbers, i would listen to all forms, at times going deep into their meanings and at times just to reflect my current mood or routine or occasion. There would be times though, when the power of music would take over and influence my mood and lift my spirits up. There were times, when I had started listening to tamil and telugu songs as well. After all, music is the only language which needs no translation. It is first and foremost an individual experience, as we experience the pleasure of expressing feelings and emotions, the satisfaction that we feel when we listen to cerain pieces, as a result of our affinity for certain musical genres and styles.
Lately, I have come out of my inhibitions and have started humming songs(thanks to my darling hubby, who would lovingly bear all my atrocities despite of knowing the fact that i am not even fit to be a bathroom singer). Humming songs, I have discovered, is another way of taking my mind off a zillion of things...and who knows this humming might lead my dormant vocal talent to shape in something very interesting...so just wait and watch!!
Musical abilities, for sure, is one gift of God, that I don't have. And years ago, I had realised this and stopped traumatizing those around me, restraining myself to listening to music. Be it ghazals, bhajans, hard rock, maestro's instrumental or the film numbers, i would listen to all forms, at times going deep into their meanings and at times just to reflect my current mood or routine or occasion. There would be times though, when the power of music would take over and influence my mood and lift my spirits up. There were times, when I had started listening to tamil and telugu songs as well. After all, music is the only language which needs no translation. It is first and foremost an individual experience, as we experience the pleasure of expressing feelings and emotions, the satisfaction that we feel when we listen to cerain pieces, as a result of our affinity for certain musical genres and styles.
Lately, I have come out of my inhibitions and have started humming songs(thanks to my darling hubby, who would lovingly bear all my atrocities despite of knowing the fact that i am not even fit to be a bathroom singer). Humming songs, I have discovered, is another way of taking my mind off a zillion of things...and who knows this humming might lead my dormant vocal talent to shape in something very interesting...so just wait and watch!!
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Marriages ..seen through Secret Lives of Dentists
One may call it a movie review or anything similar..But the fact is, I had been wanting to put my thoughts about this movie 'Secret lives of dentists' ever since I have seen it. This is a lovely movie.. Offbeat but lovely (and not a porn movie as the name might suggest to some!) Made by the same director as American beauty ( Don't ask me the name now, Am too bad in remembering these foreign names), it brings out the one aspect of human psychology, their fears, their insecurities and of course marriages. So, if you like watching people around you, reading them, or ponder over the special bond called 'marriage', then go on and read this blog further. This movie, set me thinking, about marriages, unhappy spouses, unsatisfied partners, betrayals, divorces, and in particular, made me sit and evaluate where I stand in my marriage!
The movie is all about two dentists married to each other.. Having everything in life that anyone could wish for in life! A nice home, a well-equipped clinic, three lovely kids, a country home for weekends.. The wife is beautiful and lovely; the husband is supportive and understanding, what else would a content married life need? Everything goes on well until the man sees his wife in somebody else's arms and from thereon the movie actually takes off.. He is clearly very shattered with this knowledge but fears to bring out this topic or even confront his wife in the fear that any hint of this might lead to their separation, which he would be unable to bear! But as he doesn't speak up, all his frustration and agitation and bafflement and reasoning and .... self-control come out through his conversations with his alter ego and through his fantasies of his wife romancing with others.. I really like the way he is fighting with himself, his negativity.. And trying to control his thoughts and get back to normal. And there are times when he loses his control and all his anger comes out.. and he mutters things like 'I could kill you!' in front of the kids. How the whole family is shaken!! He sincerely hopes that everything returns back to normal and there is a time when he would be quite sure that his strayed wife has come back to him, forever. But then that very night, she doesn't return home! The next morning, when she is back, he finally realizes that he can no longer live with the fear and the uncertainty of losing her and that he is left with no other option but to face the truth. He again struggles his alter ego, who wants him to ask her whom he is seeing, and asks his wife just one question whether she would be staying or leaving. She chooses to stay and though he is relieved, his anger within, his feeling of dejection take over and he breaks everything that's around him.. Still, he tells his wife, that he doesn't want to know anything of what she did. Applauds to him!
The end is controversial though; for me at least it is. I am not talking about his not wanting to know what she did, neither is this about a gender. What I am still not sure of is whether betrayal by spouse is pardonable. And this is what actually would bring out lots of discussion. I still cannot figure out what he does is right or not! But yes, the more I think about it, more I realize why commitment is important in a marriage. It is your commitment, which decidedly, will keep your marriage going.
Since, I have touched this topic, let me touch everything in this movie that made me ponder and may be much more... The other very obvious thing showed in this movie, which is very essential in a marriage is "Conversation". Partners should easily be able to talk out their feelings, their longings, their wishes, their fears, their apprehensions to each other. Equally important is being able to lend a ear. Conversation is when their is talking and listening both!
The one important thing that is necessary to understand is that marriage is much beyond just having sex with your partner or having children. At the same time, a good sex life is a crucial factor in a successful marriage.
There's nothing called "perfection" when it comes to marriage. Marriage matters are never perfect! There's no such thing as a 'perfect marriage' or a 'perfect spouse'. Every marriage will have its equal share of happiness and disappointments, fights and makeovers, differences and similarities, arguments and understandings, mud-slingings and compromises, unpleasantness and forgiveness. It lies in one's own hands to make a successful marriage and take it to altars.
This answers my question, too! No wonder the guy in this movie just forgot everything and gave an attempt to make his marriage rework!!
The movie is all about two dentists married to each other.. Having everything in life that anyone could wish for in life! A nice home, a well-equipped clinic, three lovely kids, a country home for weekends.. The wife is beautiful and lovely; the husband is supportive and understanding, what else would a content married life need? Everything goes on well until the man sees his wife in somebody else's arms and from thereon the movie actually takes off.. He is clearly very shattered with this knowledge but fears to bring out this topic or even confront his wife in the fear that any hint of this might lead to their separation, which he would be unable to bear! But as he doesn't speak up, all his frustration and agitation and bafflement and reasoning and .... self-control come out through his conversations with his alter ego and through his fantasies of his wife romancing with others.. I really like the way he is fighting with himself, his negativity.. And trying to control his thoughts and get back to normal. And there are times when he loses his control and all his anger comes out.. and he mutters things like 'I could kill you!' in front of the kids. How the whole family is shaken!! He sincerely hopes that everything returns back to normal and there is a time when he would be quite sure that his strayed wife has come back to him, forever. But then that very night, she doesn't return home! The next morning, when she is back, he finally realizes that he can no longer live with the fear and the uncertainty of losing her and that he is left with no other option but to face the truth. He again struggles his alter ego, who wants him to ask her whom he is seeing, and asks his wife just one question whether she would be staying or leaving. She chooses to stay and though he is relieved, his anger within, his feeling of dejection take over and he breaks everything that's around him.. Still, he tells his wife, that he doesn't want to know anything of what she did. Applauds to him!
The end is controversial though; for me at least it is. I am not talking about his not wanting to know what she did, neither is this about a gender. What I am still not sure of is whether betrayal by spouse is pardonable. And this is what actually would bring out lots of discussion. I still cannot figure out what he does is right or not! But yes, the more I think about it, more I realize why commitment is important in a marriage. It is your commitment, which decidedly, will keep your marriage going.
Since, I have touched this topic, let me touch everything in this movie that made me ponder and may be much more... The other very obvious thing showed in this movie, which is very essential in a marriage is "Conversation". Partners should easily be able to talk out their feelings, their longings, their wishes, their fears, their apprehensions to each other. Equally important is being able to lend a ear. Conversation is when their is talking and listening both!
The one important thing that is necessary to understand is that marriage is much beyond just having sex with your partner or having children. At the same time, a good sex life is a crucial factor in a successful marriage.
There's nothing called "perfection" when it comes to marriage. Marriage matters are never perfect! There's no such thing as a 'perfect marriage' or a 'perfect spouse'. Every marriage will have its equal share of happiness and disappointments, fights and makeovers, differences and similarities, arguments and understandings, mud-slingings and compromises, unpleasantness and forgiveness. It lies in one's own hands to make a successful marriage and take it to altars.
This answers my question, too! No wonder the guy in this movie just forgot everything and gave an attempt to make his marriage rework!!
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Celebrating Love!
As I today sit and watch the twilight
I cannot help but wonder about my own life
which had turned so black and white..
How so ever I had wanted to rise
My life, I had started to despise
I had become lonely and forlorn
With darkness surrounding me all around
Do not know what had gone wrong
But silently had endured it all along
My dreams had all been washed out by the sea
I had wanted to run away and break free!
It was you, my love who had kept me going
And kept the twinkle in my eyes glowing..
Your understanding with me all this while
In toughest times, you have made me laugh and smile
You gave me again the freedom of flight
Restoring in me, my lost sense of light!
You helped me remove all the worries from my mind
With all your gentle love and your heart so kind
In matters of life, you help me form a say
And let me have many things my own way
As the sun sets into the night, worns
I realize, hedged with roses are thorns
When there would be sun, there would be shades
Criticisms would come along with accolades
Through joys and pains, sunshines and rains,
We have to stand together like mountains
Head held high, facing challenges, answering questions all
With each problem, love growing stronger, love growing tall
Like the bright sun battering an empty sky
Resolving all in what rather than why
Each moment of our life let's celebrate
Coz together we are bound by love and fate!
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