Monday, December 17, 2012

Kiddie blog gone private

Post the recent news that has shocked the entire nation, nay world, lots of discussions/debates have started and one of them(which actually has always been around) is regarding the kids' privacy when the mommy bloggers write about them. I had always considered this, and not given it much weightage as my sole intention was to create memories of my kids' growing up years and share it with family n friends. Six years ago, When I had started my kiddie blog, I hadn't even given a thought that the internet and the blogging world, in general, will grow so much that we would be actually be making ourselves vulnerable. My 'tadpole' had just formed within me, and being on the computer, 24x7, that was the best way I could think of logging my sprouting emotions for my to-be born child. My blog, then, had been my online journal. I even had and still have my real, pen-and-paper, journal but it's not always that I pick up the pen now. Though I still use my ink, now and then, it's not tht often. How much we deny, internet, is a part of our lives now. And, this step of mine, does not completely guarantee the 'privacy' 'security' or 'safety', and in itself, is highly debatable, I have considered it a lot over the weekend and have decided to make my kiddie blog private. If nothing else, it will give me the satisfaction of giving my kids their own space. I have never intended any sort if fame or monetary benefits from my blog and this will be an added step to ensure that.

I still do want to share all the joys of parenting and of course, not so joyous moments too, with all of my friends and family members. And am sure, you do not want to miss on them either. All you will have to do is now send me your email address so tht I could add you to my blog readers list. Once you are added, you will be able to see all the posts. So, all you, uncles and aunts, fans and well-wishers of my oh-so-sweet chinipie and sugarbun, do send me your email-ids so that you can be updated on their funnest years!

And I regard your privacy too. So, in case you wish to be a silent reader, you can remain so. You don't evebn have to say, "add me" nor do you hv to drop a " hi" or think "Oh I haven't talked to her in years. How do I ask her to add me?" If you have been reading my kids' blogs, and still wish to do so, just go ahead and send me your email id. And I will add you. It's as simple as that. My facebook account indicates 567 friends and I know many non-facebookers who frequented and kept a tab on my sugarz and chiniiz growing years. Whtz stopping you guys, go ahead and send me your email address.

I won't spam you.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Lighter by 11 lbs!!

Yes, thatz me. After six months!! I had gone for my well check to the doctor's tody and was completely taken by surprise when he told me this!! Espcially because, I hdn't been working towards weight loss. All my efforts this past half year was to lessen my neck, shoulder n back pain. If this is what the side effect is, then I am loving it!!

So let's jot down what different I did these past six months, so that I can try to stick to these changes, making it more as part of my lifestyle to remain fit and healthy. To speak the truth, After this revelation, I have become a little ambitious and want to come within my BMI range in another six months.

Here's the list, not in any order.

  • Made exercising a routine, despite the pain. Did: aqua, yoga, pilate, walking, running plus P.T.
  • Involved kids with me. They kept me motivated.
  • Morning breakfast: fruits (usually a banana) and a cup of milk
  • Dinner no later than 7 p.m. 
  • For some reason, If I get late for dinner, skipped carbs. Sometimes, replacing dinner with a cup of milk. (This I did, coz mostly My pain us aggravate so much in the night that I didn't feel like eating. Turns out, a plus fr weight loss)
  • Made a rule of not eating out for the entire family, more than once a month. Most importantly, stuck with it. (Again this rule was made coz of different reasons, but contributes majorly)
  • Lots and lots of water intake. With driving kids around throughout the day, I used to forget to carry it with me. Now, I keep a crate in the car all the time. And keep myself hydrated.
  • Switched to gluten free bread. This was done coz we had noticed that the wheat breads were leaving us with a bloated feeling soon after.
  • Introduced lots of fruits in the diet. This was done to encourage kids, turned out beneficial for me too.
  • Minimized sending DH to the grocery store to a great extent, especially to the Indian Store! He has this habit of getting calorie-rich food items just coz they look new and interesting.

These are all I can remember for now. Hopefully, will enter the next year with these healthy habits as an essential part of all of us.

Do you have any suggestions/ideas that worked for you?

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Dream 6/29/12

Today's was again a weird mixed dream -a complete extension of my current state of mind. In my dream, I had accidentally met an old friend/colleague of mine in the office lobby while trying to acquire a project(probably a job in real world). This friend informs me that she is currently posted in Leh, Laddakh which has currently huge IT sector owing to some very big govt projects. I tell her, probably, I should have tried there to start with, then probably I wouldn't hv to sit idle for past two years. How Things would have ben different I had proper contacts, the lack of which is detrimental to my professional career. As I talk with her, I realize that I still can explore a few options(don't remember wt exactly now) and tell her that I would come again the next day.

The next day, there are lots of kids in the lobby. i even get to meet her daughter and my own girls wave hi to me. I spot a little girl, who seems to be,looking for her mom,  and mistake her for mine as she is wearing my girls 2T-sized dress, a dress which both of them have used. Looking closer, I realize this is a different kid and I had, anyways, given away that dress. Her mom/dad comes and I hand her over. As I go towards the exit of the building, a man comes running clutching  his little girl in his arms who's bleeding profusely. Again, the dress confuses me that it's my own little one and frantically, I run to him and stop him only to realize that This is his daughter and I had given that dress away, too. Suddenly, everywhere around me are lots of sick, injured and even dying kids. Some are looking for their parents while some parents are looking for their kids. I look around and sense a relief that I was able to do my bit for them and get determined to do something more. I remember that my girls are safe and sound with dad at home and think of getting them involved once I reach home.

Is this dream, just an extension of my own thoughts, everyday life or carries a message for me? If so, then what is it trying to convey? Whether to be content with what I have, currently or to join and work hard towards a noble cause? Whatever it is, I will have to figure it out or may be, the time would reveal..

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Rant to myself

When I had my little girl in my arms, all I had wanted to do was to love her, nurture her. I had gone looking for a daycare for her, so that I could resume work, I was totally enraged with how they had dealt with my five-month old baby. That one episode had made me decide to extend the break  a little more and wait until my girl was one yr. After a year, i had several interviews lined up, and things were looking good, until, those very companies started firing and called me up to know either the interview was cancelled or hirings were frozen. A talk with the insiders had confirmed that. The recession had just started. 

As a clear and positive thinker, that I used to be then, I was determined to use the enforced sabbatical to have another baby(as we had always wanted two kids) and then, again, start looking for work once the little one would be around eight or nine months. This way, I was avoiding any more maternity leaves, after whenever I start working again. And of course, my kids were sure to get the best possible care available in this world - their mom's! 

Things took a turn, after another year and me, who always had a control of my life, a well-balanced head on my body couldn't get back in charge of my very own life. Events happened year after year, and my so-called one year sabbatical, turned into five. A once- positive and cheerful me has turned into a gloomy, screaming , discontent person. Totally opposite of what I had ever seen myself to be. I totally totally adore my Girls and love being with them. My having my own personal ambitions, detached from them, doesn't cease that very fact. My career plans, my thoughts about me that don't involve them, or doesn't revolve around them doesn't make me selfish. I enjoy my time with them, but am not wrong  to want a little extra - time just for me. Then why am I being told so by people around me.? Why am I perceived to be different? Why am I told to be content in my own shoes? Why should I pretend to be when I am not? when what I actually want is design and custom make my own?? 

And then this accident had to happen, thwarting all my plans to start afresh this year! When I had planned to look fr sponsors and jobs, I was looking for the lawyers and therapists and what not. When I should have been preparing for interviews, I was trying all sorts of remedies to alleviate my pain. Amongst this all, I grow restless as I see the applicants quota reached. I sense a failure - in me, in not trying hard enough, in leaving what I had in hand years ago. But that's my feelings, those are my emotions. How can they be wrong? They are just what they are.  I try to fill myself with optimism, but I can't. I try to push happy thoughts in my mind, but cannot. I try going with the flow, let things be, but only for a while. Why do I sound  like a teenager to myself?  Huh, I  think I should stop now. 

Thursday, June 07, 2012

Pain management

So, I went to see my family physician yesterday hoping to get a script from him to restart my therapy with a P.T. I figured out i desperately needed to go back as much as I hate going to one. And as my earlier script had expired, needed to get another one. Also, I have been thinking of going for an alternative treatment like an acupuncture and wanted to know how he feels about it. And imagine my shock, when he ordered an MRI to be sure there's nothing more to it. Really, MRI? I shred to even think about the results. I hope there's nothing wrong with my spine!! Fingers crossed! Please do pray for me.

And then, he said that after the results come out, we will figure out what kind of treatment I should go for. If nothing's wrong, meaning, I do not need surgeries(god forbid!), he might suggest a pain management doctor. Now that term, in itself, was entirely new to me! How is a pain mgmt doc differnt from a P.T., I asked him, in all my ignorance. He was kind enough to explain to me that a pain mgmt doc uses different methods like injections. Now, I panicked. Leave aside, my fear of those needles going deep inside me, I dread to think about the side effects of those steroids! Even without them and all my exercise plans abondoned since my accident, I have been putting on pounds like anything. I was even treated with respect and given way and help by the strangers in public places, who obviously thought I was carryin(ahem!). Do you get the picture as to where all those pounds are accumulating?? Besides, the fact that the last time I had taken give steroid injections for my unfortunate ankle treatment, six years ago, it had still failed to get me any sort of relief. All it had done, was to just put lots of weight on me. Only a change in shoes style and working hard, then, to shed those extra fat cells, had seen me forgetting there was anything wrong ever, with my ankle. And now, just when I had begun to enjoy my pain-free life, this had to happen!! Guess, God certainly, has different plans for me!

Talking about MRI, I cannot even take it unless I get a pre-cert from my insurance. Phew! There's so much complications associated than I ever thought there would be. Life, sure is a roller coaster for me. Even with all the leaps of the heart, and the eye-squeezing fears, I should learn to enjoy the thrills, shouldn't I?

Saturday, June 02, 2012

Living with the pain

The pain has returned and has been constant for past two weeks or so; sometimes even exceeding my threshhold level, especially in the neck and nt to mention the lower back.. I feel as good as an invalid. When a simple task needs a lots of self morale boosting and seems like an achievement on a regular basis, then there's something definitely amiss. And then i get irritated with myself and in turn, very irksome and take it out on everybody around me, especially the poor little kids. Who, actually are not as little anymore and ask back why am I screaming at them instead of talking nicely to them. I, then realize my mistake n try to soften them up n try to deal with my aches n pains in different ways. Ibubrufen, ice-packs, stretching exercises, and mom's age-old herbal oil massage recipe gives me a temp relief. But then again, as I said, if even after the pain persists after ten days of this regular treatment, there's more to it than what it looks on the surface.

I still cannot understand whys n hows of being discharged from the P.T.'s care. According to her, I was 85% better and could control the pain with regualar stretching exercises. I followed her advice and did all the needful. And for a while, even had begun to feel better only to find the pain aggravating for past few days. Phew! Will I ever get better? Will I ever be able to live a pain-free life again? My P.T says no. But, I want to prove her wrong, entirely, truly, completely. Only that. Have no clue how to? All the stretching, yoga, breathing doesn't seem to be working for now. Am I being impatient? Should I give it more time to heal, to actually start working on me? Don't knw! Guess hv to first push the negative thoughts out of me! Probably then, it all will start working. Fr nw, got to live with the pain..

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

I Know the pain

I know the pain
Of an infant now
Who lies on his back
And does not know how to roll over
And ease the pressure on the back of its head

I know the pain
Of an arthritis patient now
Who cannot move the fingers
Without hurting each and every nerve cell
Without letting out a scream with every attempt made

I know the pain
Of an injured sportsperson now
Who has to rest awhile
Lest the injury persists, gets chronic
Lest it becomes a problem of the lifetime

I know the pain
Of a hapless mother
Who is unable to provide
Her warmth to the kids playing nearby
Her spirit to the angels, to the sunshine of her life..

Friday, February 24, 2012

And it was a Friday again

Not as eventful as the last Friday, that you know of. This one was the one was filled with the after-effects of the last one. By the way, I have taken off the erlier post, on a friend's advise, till the whole thing sort of clears out. So, the first three days went really fine with a few friends' help who provided with enough meals for the foursome of us, which actually helped me getting the much needed rest. The remaining was taken care by my loving spouse, which actually made me feel as fit as ever. The reality sank in on the fourth day when I tried to bring back the normalcy into our lives. "I am a mom", I told myself " and am entitled to only some time off". Making myself believe this, did the much needed laundry, grocery and dishes. All this while my left arm and shoulders were throbbing. The neck was stil in pain n even a mundane task of rolling out the bread seemed daunty and sent my head reeling off. I endured it all and went on until last night when the whole area from the back of my head to neck to shoulder to arm went numb and alternted with the tingling sensation. I took an aleve and dozed off to sleep. This morning when I woke up, the numbness had travelled to the other side. And that's when we headed to the ER. The CT-scan was done, came out clearbut it turns out I have a pinched nerve, somewhere in my neck which gets irritated by all the movement. It's fairly common in car accidents like these, I was told. "take it easy for 3-4 weeks", the doctor said. But HOW is the big question!!

P.s. did i tell u the CT scan machine sounds like an airplanetaking off on the runway.

The lady was interviewed
After four years, when she was Dreaming to get back to her career and hoping to be be interviewed as a hopeful candidate, the first interview she gives is for the auto-accident. Sigh! More sighs! It was a recorded one (gave me a feeling of testifying for a legal case) and i was asked about all the details relating to the accident. I will put up all the questions that I can remember, sometime later. Now, my neck is hurting too much to even try n recollect.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

The year of the dragon!!

Can't believe that we already are done with first half of the second month pf the calendar. The year 2012 is just flying by too fast for a snail-pacer a.k.a me! The new years eve was just a few days ago, when we had gathered in a small group and wished each other on the stroke of midnight. And now we are done with th valentines celebrations too! And here, I wasn't even done deciding what resolutions (that I hv been thinking of) should I finally stick to this year!

Well, truth be told, the standard ones were carried forward from last year and were being followed as gestly as they always are i.e. with the much unavoidable (looong) intermittent gaps.

And yes, you can claim a reward, for you guessed it right! The very first of these said promises to myself is all about losing weight, exercising more and eating healthy!! Since this is a much accepted fact that my happy days of hogging-more-and-still-not-putting-an-ounce are long over(though it was a very reluctant and delayed acceptance), and that I have reached that stage in life when every new store-bought item of clothing, somehow, mysteriously stitches itself within a few weeks of its purchase date ( and of course, all receipts being discarded), I am left with a huge stack of clothes in my wardrobe, in which I have to wriggle and wiggle my torso. And given the amount of time, I usually get to deck myself up and leave the house, I am left with just a pair of blue denims mixed and matched with a couple of tops, chosen according to the colder or warmer days. God forbid, something happens to that prized possession of mine!! So, in essence, after a long period of hesitation, yours truly, has managed to drag herself to the basement of her house and haul herself on the said treadmill and actually managed to start working out. That she has shedding any pounds cannot be said, as the weighing machine had to go out of order at this fortune moment and if she is dropping any sizes is again irrelevant as the clothes have conspired amongst themselves and continue to shrink. The only positive (if you can see that) is that if she misses on those sessions, her little gym instructors(read daughters) say, "hey! You are getting fat! You need to exercise!" That, they get to watch uninterrupted shows on television as momma huffs and puffs on the machine, is an entirely different story!

Resolution one A, can be put as an extension to the above and that is of healthy eating, which has succeeded so far, if you count the number of times we ate out last year. Almost, every weekend, we were shoving those grease-laden junkies inside ourselves, on the pretext of being too tired or too long way to home. That we haven't yet gone on any of our those shopping expeditions is not to be counted. Also, to be ignored, is the fact that we have been to such parties/get togethers, where the food was ordered from such 'unfit' foodie joints.

The second taken over from the year-long-gone is the one on anger/stress management. And no, I am not talking about not taking it out on the much-harassed DH. No sire! That cannot be! Not with me! That, I have decided, can be rated at par with the skies meeting the earth! I, as mortal as I am, need to make some practical resolutions this year. And that would mean- a blank- as I still have no clues, what might work for me on those front. See, I told you, the year is going fast! In truth, Number of solutions have been duly attempted and failed last year. So, any help, on this front, would be greatly appreciated. The thing that worries me now is, the kids picking up on those negative vibes and thowing it back at me. So, me needs to magically transform myself into a role-model who just smiles through those times! Difficult to picture it, isn't it? At least 50% of the times, sounds achievable? But the big Q remains, HOW??

To take a better care of myself, is the third one. Currently, I can easily be passed as someone atleast seven years older to my actual age. With the dry shabby unmanegaeable pile of straws sitting on my head, a rough cracking skin on the hands and the forever- tired eyes, I have let myself take a back-seat all these years. The year of the Dragon will see me more at the dignified spas enjoying those rivetted facials and massages, manicures and pedicures, if I ever get around to follow this one, that is.

What I already have started doing, is nurturing my soul(which,for me, is biggie). With half a dozen of books already read and done with, and a spiritual connection with myself being attempted (via the path of meditation), and another few attempts to explore the artistic side in me(if it even exists), I can give myself a pat on the back on that front. Among the books check-marked are The Kite Runner, A thousand Splendid Suns, the Help, Buddha, 11/22/63, the Litigator( which, by the way, reminded me why I had stopped reading Grisham), Micro (apply comments from previous). The list contains the dragon tattoo trilogy and the likes. Pursuing a hobby, I feel, helps one to connect with the self.

And the BIG one is - to kick myself out of the house!! And get myself to actually do something!! The past five years have seen me Dancing and jumping around the kids, and with them now erupting with those bouts of independence, me needs to find something more to involve myself with. With statements like "I already know that" when The naive me try to show them new stuff(like ipad) and "I actually read that book myself" when the oldie me offer to read the new book brought just a couple of hours back, My poor heart would lay broken somewhere, if I still fail to get the signs and move on.. And no, blogging is not it! It has to be something else. Something, that takes me out of the comfort I have led myself to within the defined premises. Cuz when the littlest one declares, each morning, that she wants to go out too, and when she, too, eventually will be out five days a week, I do not want myself left blankly staring at the four walls of my heaven. No! I need to go out and experience the hell to salvage my sanity!!
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