Let yourself go

So I have been driving DH's SUV for past two weeks. IT was such a welcome change from driving the my kids-hauling van and to top it all, the sound system in his is so much mind blowing. Adding to the factor, is of course, that the music player is not loaded with kids' songs. This morning I put on old recorded cd which had both dhoom and dhoom2 songs on it. The beats of songs are so catching and after a while, I just found myself, not humming but singing out loud to the lyrics of 'touch me' 'dhoom again' 'dhoom macha le' 'crazy kia re'. I felt so great! Driving alongside the winding roads, with a blasting music on. I was thoroughly enjoying myself, when a sound came from the back, "you really know all the words!" That's when I came back to senses and saw in the backview mirror two mesmerized eyes looking at me. Sure enough, my kids had never seen me like this. For past four years, all I have been listening to are the rhymes and kids songs! Any attempt to change those met much protest, which always I gave up to. Adding to the fact, as a rule, I always always sing out of tune. And that's the reason I avoid an audience. This morning, I completely forgot all about that and just let myself go! Felt so amazing!

My daughter had such bewildered expressions on her face, I wonder how she would react if she would see me screaming my lungs out with the hard rock/thrash metal lyrics. How much have I changed in past 5 years! Those who knew me from before couldn't believe how comfortable I look at-home. Likewise, there are others who aren't aware of this headbanging side of me. Well, all I can say is that I never thought of myself who is cut-out to be a sit-at-home person. But since, it was my conscious decision, I have been living it to the fullest. It's quite an irony how I come across many, now-a-days, who when talking on some technical topic realize that they might not be of any interest to me and try elaborating the jargons or switch the topic. And then, there are these next generation kids who probably figure out that I might be completely ignorant about the engleees gym style such as hamstring curls, crunches and likes and go in lengths to explain why and how I should go about it. I just smile and play along. At times, I gently add 'been there, done that'.

By the way, what do you do when you come across a Bruce Willis look alike and your heart still went wow as it did a decade and a half back with his on screen presence? Do you stop and stare at him or give a sigh and leave? Or if you are like me, come back home and remind your husband that he once flaunted at least 4-pack, if not 6, and taunt him to better pep his muscles?
;)

The Power of soulful Music

It's amazing how music works wonders. For almost a week, heavy thoughts had burdened my heart. The feeling of loneliness kept creeping back to me.. never eluding me... the melancholy not abandoning me. Had tried meditating ..in vain.. couldn't get past those glum feelings. Was wondering all the while if I will ever be able to find my inner strength back or will I lose myself in this quest of 'me'.  And then heard this really wonderful song 'Kandisa' by Indian Ocean and as the music worked it's way way through me.. I felt serene, at peace with myself.. made me realize why they recommend music therapy for the soul!

Testament and Jagjit Singh - what a combo!

Thrash and gazhals - an unusual combo.. but in my current mood hv been listening to/screaming my lungs out to them and trying hard to bring me back to normalcy! I have always believed that ghazals and heavy metals have a therapeutic effect... only if u merge with the words and try to get the depth.. Am not an expert in either of the genre but personally, i have always found some wisdom fitting my then frame of mind; thus helping me think rationally..

Currently, these two numbers were the Rx to me..

Apni marzi se by Jagjit Singh

Apni marzi se kahan apne safar ke hum hain,
Rukh hawaaon ka jidhar ka hai, udhar ke hum hain,

Pehle har cheez thi Apni magar abb lagta hai
Apne He ghar mein kisi doosre ghar ke hum hain

Waqt ke saath mitti ka safar sadiyon se
Kisko maaloom kahan ke hain, kidhar ke hum hain

Chalte rehte hain keh chalnaa hai musaafir ka naseeb
Sochte rehte hain, kis raah guzar ke hum hain

Rukh hawaaon ka jidhar ka hai, udhar ke hum hain



D.N.R. by Testament

Lies... broken dreams
Dismal past
is there more in life...
should I... know
Ending wars... ending pain
Ending of mankind is insane
and there's all the possibilities
some will fail and some will achieve
Even through in my youth
I didn't know but what can I do
and I may not ever see
In my pain, my suffering
Can not live for the rest of my life
DNR Do not resuscitate me...

Life... lost unseen
behind the mask
and with the open arms will I grasp
Open doors... open minds...
Ending all the madness I hate

And I may not ever see
In my pain, my misery
Can not live for the rest of my life
DNR Do not resuscitate me... DNR...

Wing of sadness... will
hold my prayers
all this madness... will
end my fears
contempt in life
Conceptualize, wrong or right
The ending of life...
God save me now...

Time... end it now
No going back
Can you see the light ass you pass
Ending wars, ending pain...
Waited all my life to be saves

And I will not ever see
All the hate and suffering
Can not live for the rest of my life
DNR Do not resuscitate me... DNR