Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Marriages ..seen through Secret Lives of Dentists

One may call it a movie review or anything similar..But the fact is, I had been wanting to put my thoughts about this movie 'Secret lives of dentists' ever since I have seen it. This is a lovely movie.. Offbeat but lovely (and not a porn movie as the name might suggest to some!) Made by the same director as American beauty ( Don't ask me the name now, Am too bad in remembering these foreign names), it brings out the one aspect of human psychology, their fears, their insecurities and of course marriages. So, if you like watching people around you, reading them, or ponder over the special bond called 'marriage', then go on and read this blog further. This movie, set me thinking, about marriages, unhappy spouses, unsatisfied partners, betrayals, divorces, and in particular, made me sit and evaluate where I stand in my marriage!

The movie is all about two dentists married to each other.. Having everything in life that anyone could wish for in life! A nice home, a well-equipped clinic, three lovely kids, a country home for weekends.. The wife is beautiful and lovely; the husband is supportive and understanding, what else would a content married life need? Everything goes on well until the man sees his wife in somebody else's arms and from thereon the movie actually takes off.. He is clearly very shattered with this knowledge but fears to bring out this topic or even confront his wife in the fear that any hint of this might lead to their separation, which he would be unable to bear! But as he doesn't speak up, all his frustration and agitation and bafflement and reasoning and .... self-control come out through his conversations with his alter ego and through his fantasies of his wife romancing with others.. I really like the way he is fighting with himself, his negativity.. And trying to control his thoughts and get back to normal. And there are times when he loses his control and all his anger comes out.. and he mutters things like 'I could kill you!' in front of the kids. How the whole family is shaken!! He sincerely hopes that everything returns back to normal and there is a time when he would be quite sure that his strayed wife has come back to him, forever. But then that very night, she doesn't return home! The next morning, when she is back, he finally realizes that he can no longer live with the fear and the uncertainty of losing her and that he is left with no other option but to face the truth. He again struggles his alter ego, who wants him to ask her whom he is seeing, and asks his wife just one question whether she would be staying or leaving. She chooses to stay and though he is relieved, his anger within, his feeling of dejection take over and he breaks everything that's around him.. Still, he tells his wife, that he doesn't want to know anything of what she did. Applauds to him!


The end is controversial though; for me at least it is. I am not talking about his not wanting to know what she did, neither is this about a gender. What I am still not sure of is whether betrayal by spouse is pardonable. And this is what actually would bring out lots of discussion. I still cannot figure out what he does is right or not! But yes, the more I think about it, more I realize why commitment is important in a marriage. It is your commitment, which decidedly, will keep your marriage going.


Since, I have touched this topic, let me touch everything in this movie that made me ponder and may be much more...
The other very obvious thing showed in this movie, which is very essential in a marriage is "Conversation". Partners should easily be able to talk out their feelings, their longings, their wishes, their fears, their apprehensions to each other. Equally important is being able to lend a ear. Conversation is when their is talking and listening both!

The one important thing that is necessary to understand is that marriage is much beyond just having sex with your partner or having children. At the same time, a good sex life is a crucial factor in a successful marriage.

There's nothing called "perfection" when it comes to marriage. Marriage matters are never perfect! There's no such thing as a 'perfect marriage' or a 'perfect spouse'. Every marriage will have its equal share of happiness and disappointments, fights and makeovers, differences and similarities, arguments and understandings, mud-slingings and compromises, unpleasantness and forgiveness. It lies in one's own hands to make a successful marriage and take it to altars.

This answers my question, too! No wonder the guy in this movie just forgot everything and gave an attempt to make his marriage rework!!




1 comment:

Dolan said...

way to go Swati...Really a thoughtful post!!

And Congrats to both the Momma-to-be and the Pappa-to-be [:)]

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