Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Procreation - Take II

I had an unplanned pregnancy. Did he do it deliberately?

My spouse had wanted kids very early in the marriage and talked me so much into it that eventually I agreed. Did he intend to suppress me?

And many such questions have been raised by few of my readers who are, let's say, a little confused in their marriage.... and probably, their life (yes, that's rather strong statement, isn't it?). Let's just face the fact -
   Most babies are coincidences.
Remember the opening monologue from 'My Sister's Keeper"? 
11-yr old Anna Fitzerald, even went on to say 
   Most babies are born because of lack of birth control. They are accidents.

Let's try and come out of a state of denial.. Four in ten pregnancies are unplanned and the percentage is even higher, here in the United States. (No, I am not throwing any statistics for you. Look it up yourselves.) But, does that mean, that essential factor of love and care, are missing from ALL of them? Definitely, not!! My idea behind the last post was to bring to the notice that there are incidents like these. This, definitely, doesn't mean that it is the ultimate goal of survival of the entire male species. Please, think rationally, and do not walk out of your marriages/partnerships, yet. True, like many other disagreements between both of you, you might have not necessarily have had the same views on the issue of  'issues', like when, how many, and for that matter, where, too. But, come on, both of you are two different individuals with two set of views, ideologies and may be dreams as well. And is but natural, that on almost all topics, either of you has to relent or take a step back or bang your head out to convince the partner. Are any of us different? Do not we all do that? Do not we all have those occasional strifes? So, what if a few of these conflicts were on starting a family?

I know many such couples where the either the first child or the second or both were not really planned. Does that mean, he was deliberately trying to get the partner pregnant? No, sometimes, it just happens in the flow, a sheer carelessness, a weak moment. And then there's a friend, where the wife didn't want a second child as her first pregnancy was very difficult. But, the husband was adamant that they should have two. The wife agreed, even though she had a few miscarriages. And, mind you, the girl here is not the silent, obeying your commands types. As long as the decisions are mutual, and/or are not a result of series of abuses, how can you term them as the forced ones? Isn't it very inherent that sometimes, you start seeing the things the way your partner does? Or even if you do not, occasionally, find a valid point convincing enough, you go ahead with the decision.

There are many husband-wives duo, I know, where the girl wants a child cuz of various reasons - settling down, biological clock ticking and many such others, but the spouse still not ready, whatever be the reason. In some, the husband agreed later, though he still might have been of the opinion that they could have waited another couple of years. You see the point I am trying to make? This is what is partnership is. Not always will the two of you share the same set of opinions and often, one of you will have to give up your post. But, that doesn't mean that you stop loving each other. What about those times when your better half did those little things to comfort you, to soothe you, to show their love and care? Try to recollect those lovely memories and do not brood over when you couldn't have your way. To put it straightforward, stop being selfish because every time you did not get what your heart desired. Or because you had to live with something that you did not set your heart on initially.

Again, I am not trying to belittle the issue I raised in the last post. Under no circumstances, you should take any form of abuse. Violence is never justified as a way to resolve disputes. Say no firmly, if anything of that sort happens. Seek help, counselling if it repeats even after your ernest attempts. Walk out, if you have to. Until then, give love a chance..

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